Monday, December 28, 2009

Me and my past


Me and my past

What's left behind? All these photos?

I was so young and beautiful... Not anymore... old and ugly now...

Am I happy now? Did I make mistakes? Big? small?

Any regrets?

Have I fulfilled my own destiny? Or is there any destiny? At all?

The house's dying. This place is dying... and I'm dying, too...

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Oh... John... my husband... He was so sweet. He was a good man. At least he tried to be. And good men die early... How cruel he left me alone... for all these years?

My children... They lead their own lives. Are they going to be alright? Without me? Or better without me? I'm now a burden to them. It's better if I just vanish from their lives...

My sisters... I'm sorry for what I've done... I shouldn't have... Will they pardon me? Set me free? And set themselves free from rage of hatred?

My father... I'm sorry I ran away from home. I made mistakes. Had you pardoned me before you left this world? All these years...

Mom... I'm sorry about the tortures you had to suffer all these years. It's my fault.

I'm sorry...

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How am I going to be remembered? Will they remember me, at all? Or is it of any importance?

Will I ever meet John again? Where is he now? Heaven? Or hell? Where? Will I recognize him in next life? Is there next life? Reincarnation?

Is this what I have now? Memories of bitters and sweets? Questions unanswered?

What significant is my life? Or is it any important?

What now?...







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The house's dying. This place is dying... and I'm dying, too...








PS:
1) The story is about a lady; a lady in you and me.
2) Illustration taken from Gurbuz Dogan Eksioglu. Info of artist by Miki. Thank you, Miki!

4 comments:

Sylvia said...

Hi, Dr. John,

感动与感恩您的共勉!

的切,人生无常,因生缘灭,而造成众生心灵的空虚与迷惘。
即然如此,又何必沉湎於过去;实己物换星移了。一切也成了历史一册。
把握当下,放下执着,只希望能尽己所能,全力以赴,做到无愧于心,起码曾经真正付出过,缘灭时,放下一切不掛礙,善待自己,才能让自己脱身。

相伩世间是祥和无染的。

John J. C. Lew said...

Thank you, Sylvia.

Mortal beings are striving to understand and comprehend what's going on around our lives.

I'm sure all of us are trying our best.

John

Lucy Wong said...

It brings tears to my eyes... thank you..

The word 'I' is the name we call ourselves... it can also mean there is no difference in 'you' or 'I'..

John J. C. Lew said...

Dear Lucy Wong,

There is a partial us in the lady of the story. All of us make mistakes and while we're still at it, should try to make good for it.

We ask to be pardoned and there are time we pardon people.

The question is have we tried hard enough? I'm always asking myself this question. And the answer is always no...

I'm sure you do better!

Regards,
John Lew